Tag Archives: Humor

Fun with Singing

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I don’t know about you, but I love to sing. I mean that there are times when I will spontaneously burst into song. However, when I’m feeling like amusing myself, I will sing a song slightly off-key (on purpose) or…wait for it…

I’ll use someone else’s voice…

Right now, I’ve been using Animal’s voice from The Muppet Show to sing songs like “Put Your Head on My Shoulder” by Paul Anka or The Swedish Chef for “Take on Me” by A-ha. Doesn’t really matter with the last one since it basically comes out as Bork-Bork-Bork anyway.

The point is to do something that makes you laugh because you don’t always have other people around for entertainment and let’s face it, if you do the looks you may get are entertaining in an of themselves.

Yeah, I’m a nut job, but it gets me through the day…hehe.

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Random Thoughts for a Rainy Thursday

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It’s a rainy Thursday over here in beautiful Southeastern PA (yes, that’s sarcasm), so I thought today’s article would be something more random in nature.

While I was out running a few errands, I was walking along and the inevitable random thoughts started to pop into my head. I’ve learned to appreciate those moments because many of my best story ideas have come from those wacky neuron crossfires…hehe. So, without further ado, here are a few of the really good ones:

1) Procrastination, the new perfume from Calvin Clone. One whiff and you’ll forget what you want to do. Procrastination: Go ahead, put it off…

2) If Bacon makes everything better and the Cheese stands alone, what the hell are the Crackers doing and should we be worried?

3) When I call a Psychic Hotline, how come they don’t already know my name?

4) Why isn’t the word “No” celebrated in November? I mean, it’s in the name, right?

5) Some of my biggest fans have never read anything I’ve written. This both confuses and irritates me at the same time.

6) When it comes to Chicken, I have to call Fowl…

Like I said, random thoughts. Thanks for your time. 🙂

What I Don’t Know

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I’ve learned a lot during my time on this Big Blue Marble: tying my shoes, chewing bubble gum, the intricate machinations of sewing a button, flipping a pancake without it ending up on the ceiling…

It’s an extensive list…

However, for all the things I’ve learned, there is a list of items that is even longer of those things that confound me. Here’s a collection of the obvious ones and this is by no means a complete list:

1) Why do they call them Romans if they generally stayed in one place?

2) Why call it Rome if it doesn’t move?

3) There are no Shepherds in Shepherd’s Pie. By that same token, I haven’t found any cottages in Cottage Pie either…

4) If something easy is a “Piece of Cake” then what’s the deal with Pie?

5) Denuded Beef worries me because I keep picturing cows out in the field with clothes on. (Yes, I googled what it really means. Work with me here…heh)

6) Why is it at Election Time, presidential candidates will spend millions of dollars for a job that pays only about $400,000 a year plus an additional $169,000 in expenses? Seems like a lot of outlay for a pain in the butt job with a fraction of the benefit.

7) If most accidents happen within 50 miles of the home, why do some people move?

8) If you have a severe headache it’s called a Migraine. If it happens to someone else, why isn’t it called a Yourgraine?

9) Why are there no bridges on the Internet? Seems a shame all those trolls out there have no place to live.

10) Someone got my goat earlier today. I didn’t even realize I had a goat?

Okay, I’m pushing the puns a bit with this, but it’s late and the wheels were turning a little more off-kilter than usual. Have a good one and keep smiling. 🙂

Inspirational Quotes to Brighten Your Day

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Well, they might inspire but at least they may make you laugh:

1. Vomiting is your stomach’s way of saying that the meal isn’t right and it’s going back to the Kitchen.

2. Three turns is a Life Decision. Four is just a circle.

3. Egg on plate is good; Egg on Face not so much.

4. If everything good was Right, there would be no need for a Left.

5. A good Conspiracy Theory requires at least two people. One person just means a lot of muttering.

6. Science Fiction becomes Science Fact when one person says they can build it and another person says that they will pay for it.

7. Shouldn’t a Microwave Oven be smaller?

8. Putting Pen to Paper shouldn’t involve thumbs.

9. How come an actual F-Bomb doesn’t exist? After all, we have A and H-Bombs out the Yin-Yang…

10. Being “Nice” is not synonymous to being a doormat. Home Depot, get on this…

11. Idle hands are the Devil’s Work. So are idle minds…

12. Chicken tastes like everything else.

13. By and Large, Humor is subjective. Bad Jokes are subjected upon…

14. Ellipses are your friend…

15. Procrastination is the difference between Now and Never.

16. You will never see a Submarine Sandwich underwater.

17. Sequels are afterthoughts.

18. Plots are like cake batter. They have to thicken before they are any good.

19. Tattoos are for colorful people. Maybe…

20. The Last of anything is usually the First of something.

I never said I was great at inspiring people. In the End, there is just do or do not, with apologies to Yoda. 😉

Chaos Poetry Time

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I like to play with words. That being said, it’s time for a poem:

“Chaos Poetry”

I watched a mime get hit by a truck

Too much speed, not enough luck

He didn’t make use of the time he’s got

If he were a dog, his name would be Spot

Radiation in the Atmosphere

God, I hope it doesn’t come over here

If it does, it may cause harm

If I’m really lucky, I’ll finally get that third arm

Aliens in Space are avoiding us

Confusing we are, unable to suss

One day we may meet them out there

By then I’ll be dead so it’s hard to care

A page at a time a book is written

One then two until the last

To Createspace and Amazon the manuscript goes

What was once the Future then becomes the Past

This poem has gone on too long

If it had music, it might have been a song

I’ll say one thing if it’s the last I do

This kind of chaos is hard to undo