Feeling Introspective

I’ve done and seen a lot of things in my 48 years on this Earth. I grew up in a single parent home (my Dad raised me and two sisters on his own in the 70s with only his skills and ethics to guide him. Looking back, I think he did a great job.), dealt with being down on the low end of the Income Scale, served in The Navy, worked for both Federal and State Governments, and finally, achieved my dream of publishing my first book in 2015.

Wow, what a ride, huh?

In a month, I will be going into the last year of my 40s and as I consider the ramifications of living almost 5 decades I find myself looking back on the people I’ve known, the ones I’ve loved, and the ones that I’ve lost due to my actions or theirs.

I’ve been a “bad boy”, a “nice guy”, and somewhere in between that would make bleeding heart progressives blanch in terror and religious types clutch their prayer beads and rosaries. I’ve been on both sides of the Emotional Hurt Locker and learned first hand how words and deeds can hurt others and how to avoid crossing the line.

But I have few regrets and the ones that persist are those are firmly locked away in The Past.

Life, by its very nature, isn’t static and while we may not welcome Change, we must accept its inevitability. The person I am now bears little resemblance to the person I was at 38 or even at 28. There is no road map to navigating through Life. You make decisions that either work out or don’t, you choose things that either benefit you or give you a life lesson. In the end, the only thing we really have any control over are the choices we make and those choices dictate the kind of Life we lead.

My attitude toward Life is probably why I am drawn to people of action. The ones that spend less time complaining about how unfair Life is and more on fixing what is wrong with them. We don’t have enough of them these days and that’s a damn shame because like a commercial I once saw a couple of years ago, there are more people who would crowd around a piece of litter on the street and complain about it than pick it up and deposit it into a nearby trash can.

The word “All” is dangerous…

When people throw around phrases like “All X are like this” or “All Y are like that”, I believe that they are not after any sort of social or political change, but instead are stating that someone in a particular group did them wrong and instead of dealing with that one individual, they paint an entire demographic. I don’t like this kind of sloppy, angry, lashing out and I often avoid people who make a habit of such expression. I deal with individuals, not groups, and I’ve had a lot success with my interpersonal relations when I don’t let my innate introversion cause me to allow friendships to lapse.

Plus, it doesn’t hurt that I’m a sweetheart of a guy…hehe.


11 thoughts on “Feeling Introspective

  1. How many times am I allowed to like this post 😊 These deep musings of yours settles very nicely and resonates a whole lot with me. I like people of action as well and I can’t stand stereotyping. To many more positive and blessed years of your life Wallace.

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  2. “The person I am now bears little resemblance to the person I was at 38 or even at 28.”

    I think this is the part that scares me most about aging. Because I’m a pretty stagnant person. I mature, but I do not change. The things I want today are the exact same things I wanted when I was 7. And I kind of believe that the true things we’re put on this Earth to do are given to us at a young age – it’s society that shapes us out of it or changes our mind, leads us down a path that is different from the one we wanted for ourselves. And a lot of people wake up at 60 and realize they should have stayed true to their child self. I don’t want to be that person.

    But already I look back at my 16 or 17 year old self and wish I could still her. Yeah, she was more of an a-hole, but she said what she meant and she told the tough truths. Sometimes I hate that I’ve “matured” into being diplomatic.

    I am so with you about people of action and judging each other individually though. The worst thing we can do is lump the people we meet into a collective. Let’s be real, I do not go out every day representing “women.” I’m only representing myself. And it’s dangerous to assume that anyone out there, be they Hillary Clinton or Jennifer Gardner playing ‘Elektra’ is representing “women.” That has been used as a tool of oppression – one that assumes because so-and-so couldn’t do it, all of their kind cannot. And I know good people of all political stripes and backgrounds, who should not be scorned for one or two beliefs. After all, nobody’s perfect!

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